Sometimes, you hear human scientists utter the following profundity: "Insects are the most successful species on this planet." By "this planet", they mean Earth, of course.

However, if you actually visit this community of so-called "successful" organisms, you find that one topic of conversation dominates all areas of activity: chairs, and the progress of chairs towards World domination.

All insects know that when chairs finally obliterate humanity, insects will be the first to go. Why do you never (or rarely, outside museums, anyway) see chairs over 500 years old? Answer: Because insects eat them. Insects are involved in a never-ending battle-to-the-death with chairs - in which, incidentally, woodworm form the front line.

As is to be expected, humans regard woodworm as pests, to be exterminated at all costs. Moreover, it is humans who have decisively intervened in the centuries-old chair-insect struggle. When humans invented a material called plastic, they turned the conflict decisively in favour of chairs.

Idiots.